What's red, sits in the corner and screams? A baby with razor blades, munching on glass	Why do babies have soft spots on their heads? So the nurses can carry them round two at a time
What's red, screams and can't turn round in corridoors? A baby with a javelin through it's head	What's the difference between a load of ping pong balls and a load of babies? You can't unload a ping pong balls with a pitch-fork
What's pink, orange and blue, and sits at the bottom of a swimming pool? A baby with slashed floaties	What's pink and silver and runs round bumping into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes.
How do you get 100 babies into a barrel? Use a blender!	Why should you put a baby in a blender feet first? So you can see the look on it's face!
What kind of baby bubbles ? One in a microwave	What's blue and sits in the corner ? A baby with a bag over it's head
What's pink and turns red at the touch of a button ? A baby in a blender	What type of baby floats face down in a pool ? A dead one
What's red and sits in two corners, flinging things across the room? Two babies throwing darts at each other	What's red and sits in all four corners, the walls, the floor and the ceiling? A baby with a stick of dynamite
How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops ice-cream, one scoop dead baby	Whats red and white and covered in pus? Baby with it`s skin peeled off being rolled in salt
What is black and taps on the window? A baby in the oven	What sits in the corner of the room and gets smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler
How did the dead baby cross the road? Stapled to the chicken	What's green and pink and bubbles? A baby drowning in a bucket of snot
What is worse than nailing a dead baby to a tree? Having to rip it off.	What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in a trash can? Finding one dead baby in SEVEN trash cans
What is worse than a pile of dead babies? A live one in the middle. Eating its way out	What's sicker than driving over a baby? A: Skidding and picking it out of the tires with a fork
Why do the doctors always have a bowl of hot water nearby when they deliver babies? So that if the baby dies, they can make some soup	What is small, spins around, and taps on glass every few seconds? A baby in a carousel microwave
Why did the family take the dead baby along on the cookout? So they could light it and toast their marshmallows	What's 18 inches long and can make a woman scream in the morning? Stillbirth
Why did the family take the dead baby along on the cookout? So they could light it and toast their marshmallows	How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? It depends on how hard you squeeze them
Why do people keep dead babies in the rec. room? They cut off one leg and use it as a ping pong paddle	What is red and is creeps up a woman's leg? An abortion with homesickness
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung	How did the baby fall out of the tree? I shot it with my 12-gauge semi-automatic rifle
What's cold, blue and doesn't move? A baby frozen too death	What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall? Art!
How do you turn a baby into a dog? Pour gas over it and light a match... Woof!	How do you turn a baby into a cat? Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw... Meeow!
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender! How do you get them out again? With Doritos!	What is pink and red and sits in a corner? A baby chewing on razor blades What is green and sits in a corner? The same baby, six weeks later!
What's more fun than swinging babies around on a clothesline? Stopping them with a shovel	What's more fun than shoveling dead babies off your porch? Doing it with a snow blower
What's red and swings back and forth? A baby on a meat hook	What's red and goes round and round? A baby in a garbage disposal
What's present do you get for a dead baby? A dead puppy	How do you make a dead baby float? Take yer foot off of it's head and let it rise to the surface
What's red and screams and goes around in circles? A baby nailed to the floor	What's black and sits in a corner? A baby with it's finger in a power socket
What do you call two abortions in a bucket? Blood brothers	What's black and bobs up and down? A baby in a toaster
What's the difference between an abortion and sand? You can't eat sand	What squeals and goes around at 100mph? A baby in an electric fan
What's brown and gurgles? A baby in a casserole	How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones? Jab 'em all with a pitchfork
What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz? Twins in an acid bath	What's pink and goes black with a "hiss!"? A baby thrown into a furnace
What's the definition of fun? Playing fetch with a pitbull using a baby	What's the difference between a baby and a onion? No one cries when you chop up the baby
What has 4 legs and one arm? A doberman on a children's playground	Why did the babby fall off the swing? Because it had no arms or legs
Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer? The family used it to crack nuts	What's black and charred? A baby chewing on an extension cord
What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals? A bus load of babies on fire	What's more fun than throwing a baby off the cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork
What's red and black with little spots all over it? Dead baby at a golf club	What's harder to do than nail a baby to a tree? Nailing it to a dead puppy
What's pink, flies and squeals? A baby fired from a catapult What do you call the baby when it lands? Free pizza!	How do you get a thousand dead babies into a phone booth? With a blender How do you get then out? With a straw!
What's red n has more brains than a baby you just shot? The wall behind it	What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees